STEP ONE: Silence the Inner Critic
For some unknown reason, we tend to be our most fierce and hostile critics. Statements like: "I am good for nothing", "I am stupid," "I am not worthy of praise," "it is my fault," etc. are definitely no self-esteem boosters. Such an attitude has nothing to do with love. Continuous self-incrimination, constant blaming and self-criticism, brings us nothing but pain and effects in lowered self-esteem.
Note that if it is us that criticize ourselves, it is also us who can stop doing that. Remember that we are not directly responsible for most of the failures that happens in our lives.Try perceiving yourself as a unique, original person with an interesting emotional life. Admire your mental, physical and spiritual fitness. Keep repeating yourself that there is no other such person as you in the whole world. Avoid the company of people who like to blame and criticize others.
STEP TWO: Don’t Be Afraid of Your Own Imperfections
We all have our weaknesses and we all try to work on them. The art of falling in love with yourself includes learning to accept one’s shortcomings. Embrace the fact that some things - such as intelligence, natural talents, temperament - are simply given and cannot be really changed. You should therefore focus on these aspects that can actually be improved. For example, if you are constantly late on meetings, just tell yourself: "I do not like this thing about me, and I will try to change it, but I acknowledge that I do have such a feature."
There is no point in deluding oneself into thinking that a choleric individual could miraculously turn into a phlegmatic. If overreacting is your problem, you can work on patience and anger management, but it is highly unlikely that you could ever become an oasis of calm.So work on your flaws, but accept them first. It is better to focus on doing what we are good at, than to come into an obsessive conflict against one’s congenital limitations.
STEP THREE: Forgive Your Parents
it does not sound easy, but do it - mainly for yourself. Constant sense of injustice, and feeling hatred towards others actually reverses effects of power. Instead of continuously dwelling on childhood injustices, blaming your mother for lack of love, and accusing your father for, say, your current marital problems - take the high road and forgive.Stop torturing yourself with destructive thoughts, because they block your actions and development, and may become a convenient excuse for not doing anything productive with your life.
People in psychotherapy sessions often say something like this: "I had an unhappy childhood, so I cannot create a normal family." They believe that it is not even worth trying. True - forgiveness does not come easy. One needs to understand that as adults they must put an end to ongoing resentment toward their parents. It belongs to the past, and the past can not be repaired. Accepting it is the only way out. Start to live your present time, and you will quickly feel the relief.
STEP FOUR: Take Responsibility For Your Life
Start making decisions for yourself and stop blaming others for your failures. Each of us has their own life to live, and not somebody else’s. Take this seriously not to end up spending your life comparing yourself with others, pursuing a different, unattainable dream-life, or living the life of other people.
People who love themselves take responsibility for their lives and do