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Airports, guess who and a fly-by to McDonald's

A humorous take on waiting at airports, from what happens to your bags, what the worst thing is to take with you whilst waiting, and things to make the time you're waiting go quicker. Also, a look at Google Holidays, a brilliant, innovative new way to go on holiday whilst benefiting from your home luxuries.

The person on the tannoy said: 'Flight 38 is scheduled to depart Heathrow in 10 minutes.' 'They'd best let us on the plane then' I remember saying to myself. Airport lounges are some of the dullest and most boring places to be stuck at. By this time, you've handed your bags in so they can be processed and sent to the airplane, you have no idea what happens in-between that, for all we know they could be sent down to a room where they do a fashion parade in the clothes of the passengers, and the more you pack, the longer it takes. That would explain why flights are always delayed.

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The one thing you don't want to ever bring to an airport lounge is sweets, by the time you've shared them round there'd be none left. They'd run out after the first row, and then there'd be an awkward silence between you and the other passengers who didn't get any, they'd stare at you and wonder if it was deliberate, hating you every second of the flight. In these instances, what you need is a boomerang. If they stare, throw it at them, knock them out, get on the plane, and by the time they've woken up you'll be 2000miles away, or Ludlow if flying cheap.

So what could you take with you to pass the time? Roller-skating would be one idea. The way to the gate could be laid as if it was a track, and you could get timed on it. Fastest one gets on the flight first, or misses the gate and goes through the window. Another idea would be to have a massive game of 'Guess Who,' using your fellow passengers as the board. One of the attendants can decide who will be the person you have to guess, and depending how well you do, you can get a reward. If you get it in 3, you fly first class. If you get it in 5, you get a free cup of tea (milk is extra). If you get it in 25, you're sleeping in the janitor's closet. Then again, if we all get there an hour early, can't we just set off early? What's stopping us? If we have to be at the other airport at a certain time, we can just fly around whilst waiting, taking in the sights, land and get a Mcflurry.

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The real answer to problems with airports is not to go at all. Stay at home, be lazy. We all have a tool that can help us see life in other countries, as long as there is a road there. Yes, you guessed it, Google maps. The sights you can see on there are incredible. I wanted to see what an Indian restaurant in Dudley looked like, so I typed it in on Google maps, and it showed a run down building with a drunk man passed out on the floor with a bottle of whisky in his hand. Fantastic! You won't get that in a tourist leaflet. I wanted to go to Venezuela, it was at least £633.28 for a flight, or 3.86 seconds on google maps, and done! Bargain. You can see what it looks like, and have the luxury of eating all the food you already know and like, and save lots of money. My top tip, don't travel!

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andybtrotter

andybtrotter

22 years old (well i was when i wrote this, back in 1826) and currently in the retail trade, but looking to return to writing. I enjoy using humour and sarcasm in my writing, but always looking to improve and have a laugh
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